I saw a Dear Readers style letter over at another blog and decided that it was a great concept that I could use for a weekly MEME so here we go the Sunday Dear Readers. You can participate at your blog easy as pie. Just make a post to your readers on Sundays and drop us a link back.
Dear Readers,
My Saturday was not a very good day and has only dribbled into a bad Sunday so far as well. I got some test results badly that were not very good. Although I am getting used to it. And it is part of life. I once again had a relatively sleepless day. The only thing that did go my way was I got some ink on a GC I was given.
So than to start out the rest of my Weekend I found an “oh so lovely” blog post from a friend. Now normally I don’t like to complain about friend and friendship on my blogs. I have done it once maybe twice before. However, I guess since she did it I can too.
The last months she has been pushing me away and pushing me away. I have tried to just suck it up and deal. I have explained how I feel, I admit I have occasionally been snaky but if anyone had seen some of the stuff she said to me in a “bad cycle” well I will not go into it. Let’s just say it has been very painful.
And being pushed away has been painful too. Very painful and more than I have let on. However, after a while I gave up fighting for any replies. I just kept my replies simple and to the point. Trying to keep any frustration and the like out of my replies. So as not to be the one “hurting” anyone when I have been the one getting pushed away. The last contact I had, which was several days ago everything seemed okay. She even wanted to RP, it didn’t last long but hey it seemed normal and I went with it.
Well that was the last I heard until the blog entry posted 2 hours ago. Everyone is entitled to his or her own thoughts, and everyone is entitled to do what they want to do. I will never say anything to the contrary on that. What I do disagree with is putting what was put out there, which was hurtful without talking to a person about it first. When someone thinks everything seems to be okay and than reads what was put out there….well it is a slap in the face.
Am I being vague? Yes, I am principally because I am trying to be discreet and not sling any mud while also getting my feelings out there. Sadly anyone who does an archive look on the other blog will know who she is referring to because she has used my name, with the term she used in her post in a few other posts. Nice eh?
But I long ago learned you couldn’t force yourself on anyone. You cannot force support and affection on someone who is going to keep pushing it away. I have been trying to keep myself there and perhaps its time for me not to. I have gotten hurt from it, and she admitted she has been not acting right several times. So this time I think I better learn my lesson and take my own advice. And Step back. It isn’t like the time when she was at my house literally dying on my floor and insisting I continue to let her sleep when I called the EMT’s and a darn good thing I did. Renal Failure isn’t something that can be fixed by sleep. But than again neither is depression.
I applaud anyone who wants to make themselves better and I applaud them for taking the steps they feel they should. I will not disagree with that part of the post that was put out there. I take issue when people push others away who have been there when no one else has.
But, it is give and take. Always has been. Am I getting my walking papers? Maybe. Maybe not. I have heard similar tones before more than once. I have been told; “I am walking away from you” “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” only to have the tone change when I point out once again is that what you REALLY want? Could be another one of those things.
In the end. I will once again retreat and lick my wounds. Than I will retreat deal with my own depression due to Cancer and well that will be that I guess. I said my piece to the party in a TXT (since she has been avoiding me online) and will take her own blog post at its text it may pain me but I won’t be the one to reach out this time if that is what she wants.
Sorry, for the downer this Sunday Readers, I just needed to get it off my chest.
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